The Breadmaker Cometh
Sj is overjoyed and in awe for, yea, her parents have either got a brand new lovely breadmaker, or grown weary of breadmaking. In these special circumstances, the white goods are passed on to us (see also: slightly faulty electric water filter, electric tin opener).
She stood next to me, reading through the magical things that our brand-nearly-new Zygonoptic 3000 YEASTOMATIC breadmaker can do. I heard her murmer “Jam. It can do JAM…” three times over, her voice a mix of hushed wonder and fearful anticipation.
It can also do bread. Not just any bread, but ALL THE BREADS OF THE WORLLLLD! You put the ingredients in, and you press the button, and you get bread! Just like they used to make at home in the old days. Cast iron, um, Irons, heating in front of the fire… a tin bath nearly full with heated water (fetched from the pump, and warmed over the flames), breadmaker all full of ingredients, just waiting for the button-push from mother…
Anyway, I wrote a list of the breads as she read them out, so fantastical and carbohydratey impressive did they sound:
Lauriepink: “Brioche, salami cheese bread, old fashioned oatmeal bread, chocolate bread…” I’ll have to prise this breadmaker from her cold dead hands
(It’s true, I will. Also, I have been informed that breadmaking is what I am now expected to do in the day while Sj works)
Anyway, I got a tweet back from someone telling me their chocolatey wife (mmm. Chocolatey waaahhhhhf) had done an ear prick as he read them out my tweet (my tweets are read aloud! Joys! I can just imagine all the family sitting around now, listening with rapt attention. The young’uns all big ears and grubby faces). Also, could I give them the recipe?
It’s tricky to do in 140 characters, so here it is in full. Chocolate Bread, courtesy of the Ominipotex Loafinator 4000 (King Edition):
Chocolate Bread (this is in the Sweet Breads section. Aren’t Sweet Breads fried testicles? Or am I thinking of Sweet Meats?)
[Obviously, it’s for breadmaker chocolate bread, but if you’re a cookery type I bet you can adapt it]
- Water - 250ml
- Table Salt - 1 & a half teaspoons
- Butter, chopped - 35g
- Strong plain/bread flour - 480g (3 cups)
- Sugar - 2 tablespoons
- Skimmed milk powder - 2 tablespoons
- Cocoa Powder - 1 tablespoons
- Bread Improver (don’t want your bread to be rubbish now, do you?) -1 teaspoons
- teaspoon
- Dried sachet yeast - 2 teaspoons
- Mix-ins: Choc Chips - three quarters of a cup
- Pour water and salt into the bread pan and add chopped butter. Combine flour with sugar, skimmed milk powder, cocoa powder, bread improver and add to the pan. Make a small pocket in the top and fill with the yeast. Wipe any spills from teh outside of the pan.
- Place the bread pan into the breadmaker, lower the bread pan handle and close the lid.
- Press the Menu button to programme (5) Sweet.
- Select Size, Crust Colour and press “Start”. Bread will be baked in the number of hours indicated.
Do not use Time Delay Setting when baking Sweet bread as the ingredients will spoil and KILL US ALL.
Mix-in sound (8 short beeps) will indicate when to add choc chips during the kneading stage.
NOTE: This recipe is only suitable for a 750g loaf size.
