The Bath Fairy Chronicles
I first became aware of a bath fairy opportunity upon retiring to my studio while Sj had a bath. I had plans to start making a book. Instead, I realised that the bathroom window was JUST round the corner from my studio window.
What an opportunity! I could hear Sj splish splashing away in the bath, having a nice Sunday wash. I suddenly realised that it was within my power to make this Sunday bath magical!
First, I would need some kind of long, slightly flexible stick. We had a big pack of straws downstairs. Hurrah! I fashioned a rude flexi-stick from the straws:
Next, a bath fairy was, of course, quite vital.
One bath fairy: Check.
Now the construction begins and it all goes a bit Mythbusters:
Did you get that? Excellent! Time to make Sj’s bath MAGICAL!
I could hear her moving around by this point. She was probably shaving her legs. Doesn’t she do that at the end of her bath? Oh noes! What if she gets out before the magic happens? That would be like leaving Disneyland before they set fire to the magical kingdom!
(I’ve not been to Disneyland, but I assume that’s the dramatic climax of the day)
Here I am, carefully feeding the fairy out through my window and into the bathroom one. Now, I knew that, due to the orientation of our bath, Sj would naturally be facing away from the window. Thus I could afford a bit of a wobbly bath fairy entry, as she’d most likely not look round until the fairy was in position, alerted by it’s magical speech.
Unfortunately, I am quite little, and my lack of height was causing the flexi-stick to bend and the bath fairy to drop. There was only one thing for it.
Yes! I mounted the window sill!
This felt fairly risky as I have, in the past, had Bad Experiences with not-entirely stable window glass. I have a rather large scar from that one. Fortunately, this window is hardy and strong. Hurrah! From up high I could correctly manouvre the fairy into place.
I also had an excellent view of the back yard, and felt a bit like a giant. It was great.
Once the fairy was positioned, it was time to alert Sj to it’s presence:
“Hello!” I chirruped, in a happy little fairy voice “Behold! I am a bath fairy! Come to make your bath magical! Would you like a flannel?”
I heard Sj laugh. “Yes.” she said (tricky, as I didn’t actually have a flannel). There was a short pause. My bath fairy gambled up and down as I wiggled it’s flexi-stick. Then a suspicious: “Is that all you’ve been doing this whole time?”
“I am a bath fairy!” I trilled, ” Come to bring you larrrrrrv!”
(At this point I noticed that, not only did I have a lovely high up view on the window sill, but I was also highly viewable, in my pyjamas, by the nice man with a learning disability next door, who had come out for a smoke. I was also very audible, seeing as I was fairy-voicing through my open window. However, I like to think that this simply spread the magic. Though I did rather wish I’d had a bra on.)
I found I could anchor my bath fairy straw in the open window’s metal arm thing by poking my end of the flexi-stick through one of its holes, and hurry to the bathroom to see the bath fairy for myself. I think you’ll agree, it’s really is quite magical.
And Sj was VERY pleased. The bath fairy had flown in while she was washing her face, which is the perfect moment for a bath fairy to arrive. Remember, if the fairy had arrived while Sj was shaving her legs, there’s no guarantee that it wouldn’t have accidentally got caught up in the razor and lost a wing, or even some fingers.
Upon my arrival in the bathroom, Sj asked me what money I had been earning for us while she was in the bath and I was doing Important Art Work.
“Look at the bath fairy!” I cried happily, moving Sj’s attention once again to her magical little visitor.
Here is a picture of Sj, to prove she was really in the bath washing her face. I think she’ll thank me for it…you know, eventually.
If you’d like me to make you your own bath fairy on a flexi-stick, why not drop me a line? I will happily send you one. Even if you don’t have a uniquely bath-fairy-friendly window set-up like mine, I am certain that a ground-floor bathroom with an open window, or even an unlocked bathroom door will offer you the perfect bath fairy opportunity!
Also, it’s probably best you don’t use my bathroom fairy set up, in all honesty. Though powerful and God-like, my perch was a little treacherous. Also very very visible to next door’s yard. And the houses that back onto ours. Also, the road that runs next to our house round the corner.
Maybe make sure you have a bra on too, just in case you’re spotted in your very thin pyjama t-shirt.
Okay, thanks for reading, bye!
